leethet: (Default)
[personal profile] leethet
... what stoop-shouldered, lame-brained, witless slug of a moron ...

...it was who designed in-home fire alarms. Why is it some dipwad thought the correct way to inform you that the battery's low is to set off the friggin' alarm?

So you're in bed, asleep, because the battery is always low in the middle of the night. Always. ALWAYS. And you're slapped awake by the BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT of a fire alarm. You start up, and it stops. So you look around blearily. "What the hell was that?" And just as the echo fades and your heart rate starts to go back to the non heart attack zone, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

"Oh. Fucking fire alarm." So you stagger out of bed and, if you're like me, go into the hall where you have roughly 75 fire and CO2 alarms, and you stand there, shaking, waiting for the BLAAAAAAAAAAAT that will tell you which of the goddamned things needs a new battery. None of them, of course, have a low battery light, something that will innocuously (and continuously) flash to tell you the battery is low. No subtle but insistent beep to draw you to the right device without causing strokes. No. You have to track it by its occasional BLAAAAAAAAAAAAT, like a hunter in the jungle tracking some obnoxious but only occasionally noisy monster.

Of course, the thing is done with its blatting for the moment, because god forbid it actually permit a half-asleep person to take care of this immediately. So you stand there for a while, shaking, cursing (in my case), before you give up and go back to bed. And the moment your body starts to unclench toward sleep ... BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

And there's no way you can possibly scramble back out into the hall in time to locate the one that's blatting before it stops blatting, because apparently the designer assumes either that you only have one fire alarm in your house, or that you spend 24/7 standing in front of it, at the ready, new 9 volt in hand.

More than once I've taken them all down. Fucking things. Show me the excrementally stupid fuckwad who designed these and I will gleefully jackhammer a screwdriver into each of his eyeballs.
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