This is why

I would hate to actually be a fly on the wall when others are discussing my stories. I'm dabbling in another (very large) fandom. Through various sources I've discovered, to my surprise and delight, that I've been rec'd on a few sites. I also discovered one person who HATES the story that was rec'd. This was quite a blow to my swollen ego, and I realized that people almost never say anything really bad -- or should I say critical -- about my writing. That caused me to dwell on how a person would feel if they never got praise and ONLY got reactions such as I generated in this certain reader (and mind you, her criticisms were totally valid...ouch ouch ouch). I'm pretty comfy with my workmanlike writing skills; that is, I know I'm not great but I know I don't suck, and when it comes to fanfic I'm content. And her remark still rankled. I think my conclusion is that I need my stuff criticized more so I'm more comfortable with opinions other than "great." I also wonder how many people who'd be perfectly able to offer those opinions (in MFU, since that's where the bulk of my stuff is) are remaining silent for fear of offending or of simply being ignored or insulted. This has been discussed in many forums in MFU (and probably in this other huge fandom as well) but despite a writer saying "Go ahead, let me have it" people rarely do it. I find myself wondering if a part of me isn't grateful for that -- but that's the sucky cowardly part of me. I prefer the truth, even when it hurts. This is probably mostly because in the final analysis I'll write what I want and not really care if people like it or hate it. All the same, I feel bad in a kind of abstract way that this one reader wasted her time on my story. I know how it feels to read something I dislike so much I want to email the writer a bitchslap. :) Sigh. I'm comforted that the voice of the hater was in the minority (at least the minority of the vocal people...how can a person ever know what all those silent readers are thinking?). So I'm left, again, wondering if it's not really better to simply stay out of the places where one's writing is discussed (at least in fandom) in order to not feel influenced by that which should really not influence one.